A Trainwreck Named Aspidochelone

So after Dynamis tonight, I spent some quality time staring at my moogle and looking for something to do. Seraph logged off shortly after I got out, and he's usually my late night entertainment anyway. With him gone, I really needed something to do.

So I grabbed my Signal and Tactics pearls and headed out to Altepa to level my NPC a bit, burned through 20 beetles, and was just about to summon him again, when I saw a tell straight from heaven.

Tunarsbane>> Wanna come kill Aspid with us?
>>Tunarsbane : You have no idea how long I've waited for somebody to say that.
>>Tunarsbane : You DO care, you really DO! ^^
Tunarsbane>> ...Right. Anyway, nobody has enough members in their shell to do it the usual way.
Tunarsbane>> So it'll be 18 people from random HNM/Sky/Dynamis shells who have nothing better to do.
>>Tunarsbane : Free lots?
Tunarsbane>> I don't see what else we could do about the drops.

Hmmm...

What Slane Thought:















I don't have an HNM shell. I have Divine, which is Sky and Dynamis. I have Hamburglars, which is social. I have Breakthelimits, which is a piece of crap.

So when I get a ping from a friend who needs me to help kill an HNM for free lots? I'm all for that. I'll delevel for that. I'll spend 3 hours in front of my computer for that. Just give me a shot at a Wyrmal Abjuration and I'll be at your camp in under three seconds flat.

What Really Happened:















Shit!

I've never had my ass beat so hard in my life!

Really, we would have been fine if it weren't for the adds. We would have been able to creep its HP down little by little with our 6 blms. But no. There's all these raptors and birds running around, and we had no way to control them. They kept harrassing our poor, poor mages.

Remind me to go kick a turtle sometime today.

What it is to burn

So last night, after I saw The DaVinci Code and spent some quality time with my favorite ex-taru, I came home and logged onto my social shell, Hamburglars. They're a great group of people, and I love them all to death.

With the addition of the Xbox 360 to Final Fantasy, we've had a surge in members. I don't mind helping; in fact, I really enjoy adopting a newbie or two at a time and teaching them the ropes. I like running them to Jeuno for their first visit, getting them their telecrystals, yadda yadda yadda. It makes me feel like a good little red mage.

But when it comes to 13 new people asking the same questions over and over...I'm sorry. I gotta take a break. That's usually when I equip my Divine pearl and have an intelligent conversation for once.

At any rate, I logged on last night to find one of our long lost-and-found newbie members asking for help with the Blue Mage flagquest. It's completely soloable, by the way. But hey, that's alright...I need to do that quest too. I might as well help him out.

The quest took us all of 30 minutes. Cake. And it wasn't a bad flagquest either. Not as good as Dragoon's was, but it's hard to beat a good storyline.

Congratulations, I can now become a Blue Mage.

Thax u ;O

So I go home to Windurst, change to Blue Mage/White Mage, buy some lowbie gear and a leet bronze sword, head outside, and start whacking shit.

The first bee I attacked use Pollen as soon as it had 100 tp. "Neat!" I think to myself. "I'll probably learn that now, and then I can go change to a melee sub for more attack power. ^.^"

Slaneyder defeats the Bumblebee.
Slaneyder receives 50 experience points.

"Oh, that's okay. I heard this could take awhile. I'll be patient. ^^"

-0/10 Pollens later-

Starting to get getting irritated. Ten isn't a lot, granted, but I'd still like to learn it before the sun comes up. I'll keep going...might as well.

-0/30 Pollens later-

Seriously annoyed. Been at it for about an hour and forty-five minutes now...and still no spells learned. Another half hour, and then I'm done.

-0/43 Pollens later-

Punched my toon in the face, gave her the finger, and went to bed. Woke up the next morning, did some chores and read a bit, and decided that I was ready to try learning my Blue Mage spells one more time...

-0/56 Pollens later-

Seriously. What the fuck.

-0/64 Pollens later-

I've deteriorated to mashing my keyboard incoherently and drawing funny looks from anybody in East Saruta. Seraph has put a comment in his vent channel reading "0/100! Can she do it?!"

I'm 2.3 seconds away from becoming the Hulk and tossing winnebagos like bowling balls.

-0/83 Pollens later-

jkfld;sauiornewkle7a980-4321789-4321jkld;sayuhg.

-0/104 Pollens later-

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy. Redrum redrum. Here's Johnny.

-0/114 Pollens, 0/52 Foot Kicks, and 0/38 Wild Oats later...-

Fuck BLU. I've heard of seasoned convicts that would crack under this kind of pressure.

I'm going back to Red Mage.

"For the---Shit!"

Today, after a particularly fun manaburn with everybody's favorite Tibbetts, I stole a D2 from him, and zoned into a particularly feirce Besieged. Just in time to see the Mamool Ja Savages retreat.

Carbuncle 42, Beastmen 0.

Nice.

Hmm, what to do...I guess I could craft for a bit. Wild Onions are down, and I can make good profit on Navarin and skill at the same time...Hmmm...warp to Jeuno then, it is.

I trot over to the Moghouse entrance, stand by the crate, and wait for the Warp Taru to load...

And wait.

...

Still waiting.

...

...Shit.

Slaneyder: THE WARP TARU HAS BEEN TAKEN PRISONER!
Besieger301: No...no way.
Besieger35: omfg!
Slaneyder: He's gone!
Besieger12: The AH manager is gone too!
Besieger9: ゆがみ(Tarutaru)は誘拐された!
Besieger128: We gotta get that little pecker back!
Besieger92: (Invite to join party) 4 (Tarutaru) (Help desk) (mission!)
Besieger235: Get him--!
Besieger79: 私達はに(Jeuno)戻る方法を私達私達の(Tarutaru)を取り戻さなければならない有しない orz www
Slaneyder: SWARM--!

I've never filled an alliance so quickly in my life. 18 people materialized out of thin air, and within 5 minutes, we poured out of the gate into Wajoam, en route to Mamook.

By the time we got halfway there, somebody had beat us to him. He was gone for approximately 10 minutes.

Have you ever seen 400 people go after 1 single NPC?

Because I have.

And that little bastard thinks nobody likes him...

For the Horde!

When Beseiged first came out, I was pretty unimpressed and let down by it. Honestly. The monsters were weak, when they reached the town at all. During the first successful one I attended, 6 mobs popped. 4 died instantly, and the other 2 warped out.

Pussies. Why'd they run away? There's only 700 people waiting in a small, condensed area to rip their faces off. It's not my problem that their entire army called in sick.

Psh.

Anyway, with the patch that was released recently, Beseiged has become a lot more hostile. And I do mean a lot.

Take last night's attack, for instance. Level 5 undead swarm. Now I've been through level 5 attacks before, and they're really not that much more difficult than the level 1s were. So I sent a tell to some cronies of mine, and we hooked up for this event.

(Legloas) So how long til these asshats attack?
(Slaneyder) Could be awhile yet.
(Legloas) Fuck, I'm going to get some breakfast.
(Scynscapa) You're gonna miss it.
(Legloas) I'm a monk, bitch. I don't miss.
(Thunderwolf) ...

Love my friends.

Anyway, they attacked, and I got warped back to the middle of town for some reason. So did half of my party. No big deal, I say. We'll just go one south, one west, one north...

...And DAMN. The square was packed with Lamias. Chocked to the brim.

(Scynscapa) Wow
(Xevian) We're fucked.
(Slaneyder) Ow! What's hitting me and why?!
(Thunderwolf) I'll raise whoever dies.
(Slaneyder) @#$%!
(Leglaos) Slanes, cure me!
(Slaneyder) I'm dead!
(Xevian) I gotcha.
(Scynscapa) Ow!
(Thunderwolf) I'm staying here and protecting the warp taru.
(Leglaos) You're a white mage!
(Thunderwolf) So?
(Slaneyder) >.o

The mobs got all the way back to the square, where the little NPC guys happily whiffed away at it. That was cool.

We actually won the fight, but somehow, we lost the homepoint in Al Zhabi.

...And nobody knows how to get it back.

...

Right.

Dunes = Dumb

Leveling any job from 12-20 is a hassle. Red Mage was interesting to say the least. White Mage went quickly. Dragoon? That was plain fun. Summoner was a bitch. Ninja was an adventure. Black Mage? Cake. I flew solo on Puppetmaster. And Dark Knight...

Ahhh, Dark Knight.

I understand the allure of a Dark Knight in the dunes. It has a huge output of damage, despite the fact that I've made and consumed meals in between scythe swings. And the job is better than I expected it to be. I'll be honest. Granted, it's an Engage and Walk Away type of thing, but I can deal with that.

The Dunes, however, are still the Dunes.

The other day, I was in Al Zhabi, skilling on Navarin and seeking for a party with drk. Ding, invite. So I hop over to the little warp taru, get sent to Ru'Lude (awesome, he got it right), hop a tele, and zone into Valkurm. The whole trip took maybe 8 minutes.

By the time I get there, the party has disbanded.

Frustrating, though not unexpected.

I plop my assaru down in Selbina and start seeking again.

Silvanos invites you to join a party.

Christ. I hate random invites.

/decline.

Xboxnoob invites you to join a party.

...

/decline.

Stupidgalka invites you to join a party.

><;

/DECLINE!

Veteranplayer>> {Party}?
>>Veteranplayer : {Yes, please.} :)
Veteranplayer>> nvm, JP only.
>>Veteranplayer : You're the reason Truman is my hero.

Silvanos invites you to join a party.

Son of a...!

/join

(Slaneyder) I HATE YOU!

/pcmd leave

Silvanos invites you to join a party.

/killself
/killself

/echo WHY ISN'T IT WORKING?!

><;

That place never, ever goes away...

I finally finished /blm about two weeks ago and a year late. But, it's better late than never, and at least this way I can fully grasp how important it is to have. And since /blm is done, it's time to work on another one.

What options do I have here...

/smn. Currently, it's level 23. Possible. I've seen it used as a sub, though the only habitual /smner I know is a galka, and there are obvious reasons for that. All in all, I'll throw it on the back burner for now. It's not high on my list.

/rng. I've always been fascinated with the idea of subbing this to my Red Mage. I have a bow I want to break latent on, and there's no other way to do it. But, once again, this combination is a toy. Not useful. Scratch it off the list...

/nin. Now this is fun stuff. I fully enjoy this job, and it's already sitting at level 20. No need to spend excessive amounts of time in the dunes. Problem: It's mainly self-serving. I can't take /nin into Dynamis or Sky, with a marked few exceptions. So...sigh. Work now, fun later.

/drk.

*shivers*

I'll be honest. I've gotten bad vibes off of this job. It just never looked like something I'd enjoy. Sure, mass DD is cool, and a complete change of pace when you consider that I'm a professional pink mage. But drk accuracy is horrendous, and any weapons they specialize in take about four years to swing. Not to mention the fact that the flagquest itself is irritating and boring as fuck.

But...my sky linkshell needs /drk.

><;

God damnit.

99 darts and one really pounding headache later, Congratulations, I can now become a Dark Knight.

Yippee skippee.

1-10 was ridiculously easy, and I actually started to enjoy myself. With the release of the new jobs, SE inadvertently made soloing to 10 way, way too simple. No matter what the job, you cab go /pup, equip a shock absorber, auto-repair kit, and a strobe. Voila. Your own personal tank. All in all, I got to 12 in just under a day and a half. Considering that I hate grinding out levels, that's very, very good for me.

12-20, on the other hand...

I hate Dunes. I mean...we all hate Dunes. But I hate Dunes. Just seeking for a party there is ridiculous. Honestly. Sometimes you don't even have to seek. You just have to be there.

Side-story: OPwarped to Zulkheim the other day on my rdm to fish on the ferry. Right off the bat, I get a random invite from a player that we'll call Annie.

/sea all Annie.

Level 12 warrior/white mage, Rank 1.

Hmmm...

/accept

(Annie) Hi!
(Slane) {word}
(Player1) OMG u got us a 72 rdm! wtg!
(Annie) I know! We'll be able to take anything!
(Slane) Yep. We rock.
(Annie) What other jobs should we get?
(Slane) None. We're fine the way we are.
(Annie) Really?
(Player1) u sre?
(Slane) Totally. Now stand right there, I'm gonna pull.

10 minutes later, I come back with 12 damselflies, 8 gobs, 5 crabs, a pug, and a gaggle of leeches.

(Slane) OMG! LINK! ZONE ZONE RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
(Annie) YOU'RE A NOOB! WE'RE GONNA DIE!
(Slane) RUUUUUUUUUUN!

No, I didn't let the noobs die.

I should have.

But I didn't.

Anyway, I think that demonstrates why I hate the dunes. Nobody has any @#$%ing clue about anything at all. It's gotten even worse with the release of FF on the Xbox. Now it's not just possible that you'll run into somebody who will get you killed, it's downright impossible to avoid them. And thanks to the popularity of the xbox, chances are you'll end up with several somebodies.

I don't mind teaching. Hell, I don't even mind dying so long as I get a raise. What I do mind is noobs who act like experts. That drives me insane. They do something stupid, get everybody killed, and then blame it on somebody else. Usually me.















><

I can feel a headache coming on already...

Fuck you, drk.

Hmm...

[13:29] Youneek07: So I'm driving home from Nick's, and this guy on the interstate cuts me off
[13:29] Youneek07: Bastard
[13:29] Youneek07: Little miffed, not too mad
[13:29] Youneek07: Then he slows down after cutting me off
[13:29] Youneek07: Gettin' angry
[13:29] Youneek07: So I go to pass him
[13:29] Youneek07: And he cuts me off again!
[13:29] Youneek07: Now I'm pissed
[13:29] * bobglauser grins.
[13:29] Youneek07: Zoom over into the right lane, roll down my window, give him the finger, and I go to shout "YOU'RE A FUCKING IDIOT!"
[13:30] Youneek07: and it comes out "YOU'RE A FUCKING NOOB!"
[13:30] bobglauser: ...
[13:30] Youneek07: ._.
[13:30] * bobglauser /cheers!
[13:30] Youneek07: ><
[13:30] Youneek07: It was quite possibly the saddest moment of my life
[13:30] bobglauser: Sad?
[13:31] bobglauser: That's kinda good really
[13:31] Youneek07: It's something, alright...

Fuck you, Xbox...

I don't have anything against newbies. I really don't. We've all been there before. We've done the stupid things (diaga in a clump of Thread Leeches, anyone?). We've all asked the stupid questions ("wtf is provoke?").

Hopefully, we only asked them once.

Ever since the 360 release, I've helped a lot of Question Mark Kids. Tossed out gil here and there, taught them the mechanics of the AH, spell menu, job abilities...the works. I'll always help when asked. What can I say, I'm just that nice.

It's when I have to explain things three and four+ times that I start getting annoyed.

Case and point: Yuhtunga Jungle.

*shiver*

I'm seeking for a party on my blm. I'm tired of having a gimped sub. I'm a permanent pink mage...but it might be time to finally level blm to par. Despite the fact that I hate it with the fire of a thousand suns.

So I airship over, snag some pineapple to juice, and head outside. No invite. As a rdm main, this irritates me.

So I decide that if I'm going to sit in the jungle, I might as well kill shit. I pull a T mandy and start sleepnuking. And whaddya know, I have an audience. 2 level 26 rdms, shocked that I'm soloing and winning.

Hehe. Newbies. They're so cute.

A few seconds later, I get a tell from one of them, who says that she wants to team up. Okay, I'll mini-manaburn a bit. That's always fun.

(Slaneyder) Okay, here's how it works: I'll pull the mob and sleep it. Then I'll yell out a time, like 12:45. When the clock hits that time, you guys cast Blizzard, I'll cast Aeroga. {Understood}?
(rdm1) k
(rdm2) ok.


So I pull, sleep it, and they both start meleeing it.

Strike one.

(Slaneyder) Disengage, disengage! I'll sleep it.
Slaneyder starts casting Sleep on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is asleep.
Rdm2 starts casting Fire on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora takes 25 points of damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is no longer asleep.
(Slaneyder) Stop! Stop! Sleep it!
Rdm2 starts casting Sleep on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is asleep.
Rdm1 starts casting Blizzard on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
(Slaneyder) QUIT!

By some miracle, we managed to kill it. I don't know how. I'm not sure I want to know. Either way, it ended up with us getting 70 xp. Coolah coolay.

So I explain it again. Full detail this time. Hell, I even tell them I'll type '3 2 1' instead of the timed nuke method. That's Sesame Street simple. It's Barney Fun Time simple. They say they understand now, so I pull again.

Slaneyder starts casting Sleep on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is asleep.
Rdm1 starts casting Fire on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
(Slaneyder) >.o;;
Rdm2 starts casting Sleep on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
Rdm2's Sleep has no effect on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora takes 27 damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is no longer asleep.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits Rdm1 for 22 damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits Rdm1 for 31 damage.

Somehow, we managed to kill that one too. It involved a manafont, though.

Apparently I'm a glutton for punishment, because I tried again.

Rdm2 hits the Yuhtunga Mandragora for 4 damage.
Rdm1 hits the Yuhtunga Mandragora for 6 damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits you for 24 damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits you for 21 damage.
Slaneyder starts casting Sleep on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is asleep.
Rdm2 starts casting Dia on the Yuhtunga Mandragora.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora receives the effect of Dia.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora is no longer asleep.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits you for 25 damage.
Critical Hit! The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits you for 43 damage.
Rdm1 starts casting Cure II on Slaneyder.
Slaneyder recovers 82 HP.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits Rdm1 for 23 damage.
The Yuhtunga Mandragora hits Rdm1 for 20 damage.

/pcmd leave

Zone.

God, I hate the jungles...